So...when Craig left, I vowed to actually clean the apartment, get things done around here (like Christmas decorating!) etc etc. However, nothing has been done! I decorated for Christmas, and I managed to get all my cards done, but laundry/dishes/housework is just piling up. I don't even game online as much as I used to! Where did all my time go? And to top it off, I haven't paid it forward yet. Sigh. I have, however, gotten out of the house, which has done wonders for my mood and morale. Mostly out with the MINI group (lots of fun, woot woot!), but also out with family. I just can't seem to get the motivation up to actually get off my butt and do something productive. Ugh! When did all my plans fly out the window?!? Guess I know what I'll be doing tomorrow!
Things are finally starting to take a turn for better! I am feeling more empowered by the route that choosing adoption has taken us. It was the hardest and saddest decision I have ever had to make, yes, but I feel like a much better person for it. It has opened my eyes, and allowed me to not take things for granted anymore. I am slowly coming out of my postpartum and regular depression, yay! and I managed to make it through without meds. I am finally finding some inner energy, and getting my groove back. The apartment is happier, it's cleaner now! I made myself a little checklist with things for me to do each day so I don't feel so overwhelmed. Might I add cats are a necessity for depression cures! ok, maybe not, but they helped. I wub my angels! And they enjoy me more now too, I am playing with them more! I also joined a local stamping group. Maybe some new friends are on the horizon! It would be nice to have some that are close. Craig is talking about going overseas on a year contract. The money would be nice, it would be nice to get so far ahead in just a year. I know it comes with a huge risk, but our soldiers take that risk every day. It would suck being over here by myself, but at the same time, when he comes home it will be like we are dating again, with butterflies and everything! For now though, I am going to focus on the present and the fact that my mood swings finally went in the up direction.
I seriously have a problem getting motivated. Which got me to thinking, why is it so hard for me to get motivated when I don't do anything else all day, than it was when I was working? I would work a 40 hour workweek (at least) and come home and still find the energy somewhere to get the house in order. Now, however, not a chance. What is it that motivates us to get up, drag our butts out of bed, but not go any further? Maybe it's because I know it's not "required". For work, well, I can not go in if I choose, but I would get fired. At home, if I don't clean, I don't get fired. It just gets dirty. Maybe it's time to try and motivate myself. Make myself view the house as a job, and something I need to do. And then reward myself! Like, if I thoroughly clean the living room one day (which is a feat) then that night I will go out and buy myself a tub of ice cream. Hmmm...I wonder if that's what the problem is. For a job you get a paycheck. I have no incentive to do anything but sit on my butt all day. Incentives.....hmmmm.