So up until recently I was seeing a psychologist for, what I hope are, obvious reasons. A lot was talked about, namely the adoption stuff. And it came to my attention that adoptees aren't thought about as much as the adopters and birth parents. Well, they are in the fact that we birth parents want better lives for them, and adoptive parents want someone to shower their love and affection on, but not too many think of things from the adoptee's point of view. My psychologist and I got on the subject of holidays and cards (I make my own cards). I mentioned that of course I would be making cards at Christmas and birthdays, etc. She asked me if I was going to be sending them to him, and I had just shrugged it off as the adoptive parents probably didn't want me to. I know they plan on letting him know he is adopted from day one, but I don't know how much direct contact they want him to have with me, which is understandable and what we agreed upon. However, my psychologist brought up the good point, what about Ike? Would he want the cards to read, to know that he was given up for adoption out of love, and not out of indifference? Would he want the cards to feel like he has some connection with his birth family? Or will seeing the cards only lead to more pain for him, knowing that we made the decision to give him up?
     What about Birth Mother's Day? A lot of birth moms talk crap about Birth Mother's Day (the day before Mother's Day) saying it might as well be breeder's day, and that we deserve to be thought of on Mother's Day too. Well yes, but that's not the point of b-mom's day. The point is for mothers who have both surrendered and parented children to be able to work through their feelings of guilt and remorse while still keeping the happy feeling of Mother's Day. But what about adoptees? Does nobody think that they want a separate day to think of their birth moms? A day to pay them tribute for choosing life for them over the alternatives, without feeling like they are betraying their adoptive mom? They have just as many emotions as everyone else, so why aren't they thought of when we are trying to piece things together?
     I think adoptees are thrown to the side a lot because most of them don't really get a say in much. I mean, how much say can you have if you can't even talk yet, you know? But as they get older, and especially if they don't find out till they are *adults* that they are adopted, they have feelings they need to work through regarding the adoption just like all of us. I wish that we could think more about what they want. After all, that bundle of joy is the whole reason why we made the choice we did. When did their well being get shoved to the side for our own?

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