I have seriously been slacking. Between everything that's been going on, I haven't made time to write. That has definitely taken a toll on me. I have had no release from my own mind, which can turn quite dangerous if I'm not careful. So to give you a breakdown in general of what happened, here it goes. February, I went to NC, meaning to spend a little over a week, then my grandmother got sick. Went to visit her, extended my 'vacation', and then she got better. We all thought it was the end, everyone came up and said their goodbyes, and then it wasn't. Which yes, is good. Well at this point, it was a few days before Isaac's birthday. I wanted to be around friends for that event, people who could keep an eye on me, as well as being somewhere familiar. So I extended my vacation yet another few days. That whole ordeal I will address in a minute. Well I finally went home, and I was home for a grand total of 3 days when my grandmother died. So again, the next day, I packed up and went back to the Carolinas. I did not want to drive halfway across the country (again!) for just a couple of days, so I decided to stay a little longer. I went and visited some friends for several days, and finally came home. Phew. Well, in that time quite a bit happened.
As for Isaac's birthday, the buildup was worse than the actual day. It was a lot of what if's. What if I get depressed? What if I don't think about him at all (ha, yeah right!)? What if I just go crazy? Then the day came, and I was more or less preoccupied the whole day instead. I went and got a tattoo. Well, let me rephrase that, I went and talked to a guy about a tattoo that day, but was unable to actually get it until the next day. I did go to a poetry slam that night, and it was pretty awesome. It hit a lot of emotions that I didn't realize were dormant in my soul. But it awoken my senses to them.
My hunny has left. He's off to play in the giant sandbox in the Middle East. I am a little bit sad. But I know things will turn out just fine =o). I have faith in us; we have a very strong relationship. A little bit of ocean won't tear it apart!
I also have to give props again to the MINI people! Seriously, everyone should go out and buy a MINI just for the friends, it's great. They keep me busy, motivated, laughing, etc. Exactly what I need right now. Plus it keeps Craig on my mind (in a good way) too. I'm not sitting at home thinking about how lonely it is, instead I'm out driving about thinking about 'Craig would love this road, I'll have to show it to him when he gets back!' and so on. Chucky (the MINI) and I will be undertaking many more adventures here soon. I plan on heading out at least to NC, but probably making some trips as well to GA and to FL. And also out west! To CA and AZ as well. What fun! Happy motoring!
One thing I don't understand for the life of me, though, is where did all these people come from? When Craig left, I had people coming out of the woodwork telling me that they're here for me, let them know if I need anything, calling to make sure I'm ok, etc etc. Yet, after the adoption, over half of these people were nowhere to be found. What's funny, is my current situation is not nearly as life-threatening as my previous one. Makes the support group kind of backwards, doesn't it? I keep saying in my head that it's probably just because of awkwardness. People don't know how to deal with adoption, it's not a topic that is discussed often, and so they don't know how to make me feel better, so they just don't do anything. While, yes, that may be true for some people, I know that's not the case for all. I'm pretty sure it's because they didn't agree with our decision. But you know what? I can't worry about those people. I will just tell them thanks, and know that I have learned I can't actually count on them. Sucks it has to be that way, but what can I do? Walk through with grace and style, and that's it.
Why would anyone ever think it is okay to drink and drive? EVER? I know, "I'm not drunk" "It's not that far" are used a lot. But haven't you seen the commercials? Buzzed driving is drunk driving. And it doesn't take far to kill someone.
Two of my friends growing up were killed by drunk drivers. The kicker? They weren't driving themselves! One was 15, and one was 13. The 15 year old wasn't even IN a car! He was on the side of the road! Why would someone want to endanger others like that, unless they were in fact a murderer?
What gets me the most is people who say "I'm a good drunk driver!" or "I drive better than when I'm sober". NO no you don't. And there is no such thing as a good drunk driver, only lucky ones.
Even worse than that, is the fact that everyone out here in TX seems to think it's okay! I know not EVERYONE, but the majority of people my age (mid-20's) drink and drive. I worked with a girl who lost her license because of a DWI. We used to live with a couple both of whom drove all the time drunk. Even now, when we go out with friends, you can tell the ones who are from this area because they are the ones who are willing to drink and drive. I mean seriously! There was one girl we went out with in her late 30's, when most people at least by that time have grown up, who was drinking and driving! And do you know what the signs say when you enter Texas? "Drinking and Driving: You can't afford the ticket". o.O really? Not "drinking and driving kills" or anything like that, because apparently people here don't care. It's about money. That is soooooo incredibly sad to me! Please people, stop being so selfish because you don't want to leave your car in a parking lot, or you don't want to shell out the money for a cab. If you kill someone, you will never forget it. You will probably end up paying for a lot more than if someone broke into your car, and it will probably be with prison time. If I had my way, I would put all drink and drivers in prison for life. Because obviously they don't care about anyone else's life, so they shouldn't get to enjoy theirs.